It seems
like an eternity since last I ventured onto this ‘field’. Strange how even
writing can seem like a new world if you are doing it on a new device. New
device; there is the rub. My old laptop got lifted out of my car by some
nighttime wanderer, I suppose, who thought it might fetch a few dollars (Maybe?
It was very old). That seems like ages ago; happened in Saskatoon, just
outside my sister’s residence the night after I had participated in a
significant event with some members of our extended family. That Sunday
morning I received message from my wife and we agreed I needed to hurry home
to Calgary so I could be at the bedside of our oldest daughter in ICU in the
hospital nearest to our home.
So, we’ve
been busy! Our dear daughter passed away on Monday, the day after the speedy
trip. Enter a week of tears, of texts and phone calls and more of the same, quickly
the request for and then receiving help from everyone - from our dear church friends
including the clergy type (we’re lucky to have a few of those), from relatives
and neighbors all around, suddenly the world expands to remind of all we are a
part of.
Here I am
tapping on a new-to-me laptop, one of those things you seemingly cannot do
without, gifted by our son who made a quick Kijiji purchase and that followed
by emergency lessons from both sons trying to introduce dad to the new and
improved! How old and thick my brain even as the devices get slim and tiny. I appreciate my sons’ setting up task bars and
tabs, somewhat similar to my recall of the old one so I won’t get lost and
confused too many times after they have gone home. Ironically this cannot be
ignored even as the sacred and the mysteries of life swarm all around. Aagh,
touch screens are so touchy.
And that in
context of the big theme! A first-time experience is before us. Our deceased
daughter, oh what memories! She was by far the most colorful of our brood of
four. Our family being Russian Mennonites, we are probably best described as
high-energy, strong-willed lineage. Noisiness is part of the lore – especially
my side of the family. Our Adrianne, being the adopted one, fit right in. Even when
the points of view were flying, she would laugh at any one of us, and before
you knew it, we were all laughing. She was the party girl. Her stories always
came with punchlines, a feature which served not only our household, but became
her (our) contribution to family visits wherever, whenever. That’s why the
church was so full at her funeral.
And there
is more – much more actually. This morning my wife and I both woke up with some
new after-funeral awareness. The people have gone home, it’s quiet in the
house, and now we miss the noise. The altar picture of Adrianne still nestles
among floral bouquets starting to wilt. We want it exactly that way at least
for the next few days until the flowers are done their thing. What a beautiful
daughter we had.
And next, what do we do with memories? Already we realize they just stay, or pop up unexpectedly even while you’re busy doing things. Helping our second daughter move out of the apartment the sisters had been renting together, there are furniture decisions and quick household errands. In and out of our house, suddenly there is a pen, just an old pen laying in a drawer for years, a souvenir from our oldest son’s first teaching position in Garden River, an Indigenous community near Fort Chipewyan, Alberta. We visited there one time, very enjoyable for Adrianne, her younger sister and brother, and us, mom and dad! That trip up there in our party van, as Adrianne dubbed it, is now a run down memory lane! It was in fact a trip into new territory; adulthood just around the corner, many adventures, many changes within our family in those following years. Now we are blessed with two loving daughters-in-law and two grandchildren emerging out of high-school. Lots of memories in that old pen. Sigh.
The obituary is nicely facilitated by the funeral home. Interesting messages from
interesting people. Her laugh is the go-to in almost every post. Among the
trees planted and donations made in her name, there is also an anonymous reference
to being with Jesus. No need for anonymity there, says I (and this is her dad
speaking), being an alcoholic did not change that commitment she made publicly
at her baptism in our church once upon a time. And it did not release us her
parents from the privilege and the responsibility of being with our daughter, along
with the church, our community. In this community, we encourage speaking
directly, rather than anonymously (Ephesians 4:15). But maybe that’s just the
Russian in me, or maybe in the anonymous person. Adri would just laugh at us.