There is a
saying probably well rubbed into the annals of time, “It’s hardest to show love
to those who are closest.” That sentiment is near at hand these last several
days as my family and I are dealing with the death of one of us. The imminence of my brother’s death, his colorful personality and life journey are well inscribed if not in the
history books, then at least in the memories and the family lore. Philip was a
character person. Having written somewhat theoretically about end-of-life
celebrations a few years ago [i],
this blog will be very different. I now write anecdotally, and I know each of my siblings
could add many variations and probably corrections. I shall try it this way:
First, Did he die? Then secondly, A House Party; and finally, New Life? Here we
go.
Did he
die?
I received a text message the morning after Philip’s passing. This was after the rumor mill had already been active for a day or two - customers at my younger sister’s and my brother’s local businesses enquiring, and they were not able to provide clear answers. As soon as I received text of his passing I notified with an email to the whole clan. Next up were the funeral queries. Where, when? My heart went out to my younger sister and brother as again they did not have immediate answers to those queries. I was invited, the only family member to make the cut among friends and fans!
Thoughts to
myself: I shall participate in this gathering which will be
one of those Celebrations of Life quite common these days. It is by
invitation! Not quite sure what that means, my mind goes into “I wonder who’s
not invited.” Being the eldest brother, my brain is busy. Grateful for the
invite, I also feel badly for those not so. Why? And then of course my next thought, “How can I manage some appropriate communication
with all the others” (family of twelve now whittled down to nine)?
How might I
speak plainly to the surviving daughter? She knows who her dad liked and didn’t
like; 😏 she’s grief stricken, loved her
father dearly and lost her mother just over three years ago. I’m guessing her dad may even have left a
few instructions, “Don’t even bother with all that crap; no need for funeral
service”, etc. etc. Not being a church girl nor well connected with her dad’s
siblings (most of them also not church goers), I hate to think of her
vicariously living with her dad’s agenda. She is a very charming and articulate
person, well respected by the people she knows. She will be a great host to all
the guests. All this while Philip slips away into eternity.
A House
Party
I arrived a
few minutes late (nothing new to my church community here in Calgary 😔), no problem for this full house, a
number of others right in behind me! The comfort of conversation is a blessing;
especially when you know hardly anybody. My pretty niece ever so sweet and hospitable
in this the home of her growing up. Approximately half an hour into the hubbub,
as agreed, she introduces me her uncle, “dad’s oldest brother, and he will say a few things and a prayer.” It was but a few extemporaneous family comments and then
a Committal Service similar to many I have done before. [ii]
Fascinating to me was the rapt attentiveness and looks of hospitality ranging
from Philip’s grandkids all the way through neighbors and longtime AA friends. The
party needed a Divine reference; ashes in the urn now in presence of our resurrected Lord Jesus.
New Life?
As many of my readers know, it does not take long for ‘my thinker’ to kick in. It is now a few days since the goszgebat (Low German for celebration). My reflections now include not only the holy party but a delightful dinner with my younger siblings later that same day. Already life is going on. We cannot but reflect on our brother’s persona, his crude language and his declaration of life in the fourth dimension. It is after some earlier research that I have come to recognize a commonality between the two of us – probably why we enjoyed one another, me the preacher and he the alcoholic (yes I also have some alcoholic preacher friends). According to Google the spiritual 4D is a plane of existence that allows us to understand the internal processes behind everything we experience. Life, death, dreams, insights, wakefulness, sleepiness. He claimed this life-view never caring whether you agreed or disagreed with him. Fascinating to me, his daughter refers to his shop - the place of his fabrications and repairs – as his sanctuary! Once when he was telling me about this all-inclusive spirituality, I responded casually it sounds like the Christian life empowered by the Holy Spirit. He agreed.
I could slip
into theologizing, but no need. Philosophizing? Well maybe a bit. I was oldest
of the first third of our large family; he was eldest of the second third –
teenagers getting into trouble when us older ones were in college or
universities; and then there were the kjliene,
the youngest four who already had tired parents still reeling after the
eight to date! Philip and I were the eldest in each of our segments, and we
understood one another (kind of)!
Thus spake Zarathustra. Oops, I was going to stop theologizing! Zarathustra, the founder of Zoroastrianism, is in my brain thanks to a once-upon-a-time college course. Now the preacher is starting to sound intelligent! Once at one of those profound moments of conversation when Philip and I seemed kind of impressed with one another, he quips with childlike clarity a memory verse learned when he was a kid in our Old Colony Sunday School, “Ich bin nur klein. Mein hertz ist rein. Soll niemand darin wohnen als Jesus alein.”
As indicated at top of this tome, family closeness is sometimes the biggest challenge to deep love. Right in there is also the wonderful possibility of the deepest love which mature adults can reclaim like little children. I cannot but refer to that very same teaching from our Lord Jesus when his disciples wanted to learn many things, He took a little child whom he placed among them. Taking the child in his arms, he said to them, “Whoever welcomes one of these little children in my name welcomes me” (Mark 9:36-37a). The memory and the brains and the mystery of our Philip will be remembered and retold for years to come. Rest in Peace dear brother.
[ii] Ministers Manual (Newton: Faith and Life Press, 1983).
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